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Joke of the Day

"Just Checked my voicemail. I forgot to buy milk 3 years ago."

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"I let my blind friend borrow money He said he was gonna pay me back the next time he saw me..."
"why did the man cross the road? he had his dick stuck in a chicken"
"Where does Vladimir keep his shit? In his poo tin"
"I squish my belly fat around during serious conversations because I have intimacy issues."
"What do white girls and Prime numbers have in common? They can't even.."
"NRA member: I've got guns. I'm in charge. Me: That's nice. I've got bubonic plague - ""cough, cough"" - now you do, too. I win."
"Witness protection, but for men who have accidentally told a woman she looks tired"
"My mother-in-law got into a car accident and broke both her legs and arms even god knows what a snake she is"
"How do you make a Jewish omelette First off all Borrow 6 eggs."