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Joke of the Day

"Before a long trip I drink allot of alcohol the night before. Dehydration will work for me for once."

"A lack of love from your parents leaves a hole in your heart only dicks can fill."

"I used to date a midgit. She really liked it when we would 34.5. In fact, I was nuts over her."

"my wife wouldn't let me wear my pajama jeans to her awards luncheon thing because you can ""see my balls through them"" smh"

"What's the difference between a magicians wand and a police baton? The magician's wand is used for cunning stunts"

"Why do melons have fancy weddings? Because they cantelope!"

"""Honey, I don't like how you look with these new glasses."" ""But I don't wear glasses.."" ""I know, but I do."""

"A little boy went up to his father and asked, ""Dad, where did my intelligence come from? Father replied, ""Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, because I still have mine."""

"[God Creating] Lucifer: Make them wake up paralyzed sometimes G: That sounds horrible L: People will love it G: Hm, I trusted you on spiders"

"*pretends floor is lava* *looks around* *slyly pushes homework onto the floor*"