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Joke of the Day

"My really jacked friend shockingly ran out of protein powder today. He told me and I was like, No Whey"

"did you hear about the agnostic dyslexic insomniac? he was up all night, wondering if there was a dog."

"Sis-Boom-Ba... What sound does a sheep holding a stick of dynamite make?"

"What are apricots? Where monkeys sleep."

"When you see geese flying to warmer a climate ever wonder why one side of the V is longer? It's because that side has more geese."

"Did you read the article about the automated journalist? The story writes itself."

"The debates flipped gender roles. Last night we saw an argument between a woman who wanted to talk facts, and a man who only wanted to talk about his feelings."

"I stole a jar of jelly from a friend... While I was blasting some Daft Punk. He chases me down yelling ""That's my jam!"""

"Don't you dare dry your hands on my decorative towels you piece of shit."

"When you're craving a Krabby Patty so bad!!! But the Krusty Krab is closed....and also fictional."