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Joke of the Day

"So Steven Hawking walks into a bar..."

"I remember when I was a virgin I thought I'd remember every single time I got laid Since I've been married though I can't remember the last time I've had sex"

"Why did Walt and Skyler get divorced? There was no chemistry."

"What do you call a snobbish criminal going downstairs? A condescending con descending."

"2 Scientists walk into a bar... The first one tells the bartender, ""I'd like some H2O"" Upon hearing that, the second scientist says, ""I'd like some water too. Jimmy, we're not in the lab anymore..."""

"[homeless guy walks up to me at the park] ""what are you doing inside my house?"""

"What diploma do criminals get? The third degree."

"Her: I do. And that marks the last time she ever agreed with me."

"What is the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean? I don't pay a garbanzo bean $100 to go on my face."

"Wearing crocs is like being blown by a dude... It feels great until you look down and realize that you're gay."