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Joke of the Day

"When I was a kid I used to ask my my papa... ""Whatcha doin?"" Papa would say, ""I'M MINDING MY OWN DAMN BUSINESS."" Best advice ever."

"What do Kiwi nuclear engineers eat? Fusion chups."

"Rape is a terrible crime... I'll never understand how a man can traumatize a woman like that. That's why I always make sure they don't remember..."

"For every selfie you take, the universe throws another rock at our planet."

"If I can punch you without moving my feet, you're in my personal space."

"""but what if I ask someone a question and they answer it"" - me sitting in my house too nervous to go to my neighbors party I was invited to"

"What goes blonde, brunette, blonde, brunette, blonde, brunette? A naked blonde doing cartwheels."

"Q: What do massage therapists eat for dinner? A: Spa-ghetti."

"Why do asian parents give their children short names? More time on tests."

"Finn is not your average stormtrooper... ...because he doesn't know about either killing or white suits. But he does know how to install a toilet main."