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Joke of the Day

"If I can punch you without moving my feet, you're in my personal space."

"Why couldn't Stevie Wonder see his friends? Because he was married."

"How can you tell there are two elephants in your fridge? You have to put the partly-eaten dismembered body of your infant daughter in the freezer instead."

"Actually....The quickest way to fix that annoying noise in your car is,,,,,, Just open the door and push her out."

"Me:I think I just saw the main guy from Transformers you know, ol' what's his name Friend: Shia Lebouff Me: Yeah, the one whose a truck"

"What do you get when you cross Mike Myers and a T-Rex? Jurassic Wayne's World!"

"So I suggested to my wife that she'd look sexier with her hair back... Apparently it's an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient."

"Guys love legs. Women, if you can grow more legs that would be a major turn on"

"Me: Excuse me, where are your nails that twist? Worker: You mean screws? Me: I don't know, I'm not a nail scientist. Worker...."

"Have You Heard About the new KFC Hilary Clinton Special. its 2 small breasts, 2 large thighs and 2 left wings"