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Joke of the Day

"Walking inside a Nike store would be the worst place to contemplate suicide. Everything is saying Just Do It."

"I can't believe I have to recharge my stupid phone every night or it shuts down *sleeps for 8 hours every night*"

"My friend asked me why I act so insecure when he would talk to my girlfriend. I don't remember what my answer was, but their son Malcolm turns two next month."

"I named my vagina ""TARDIS"". It's bigger on the inside."

"Everyone done keeping calm yet?"

"Why is Hitler's Favorite Animal the Cheetah? Because they are the Facist animals within existence."

"Gotta hand it to midgets sometimes. You know, cause they can't reach and all."

"*Moses opens tablet* You have TEN unread commandments."

"What does an orphan and a bottle of champagne have in common? They both lost their pop."

"Have you heard the joke about the 13-inch ruler? Never mind. It's too long."