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Joke of the Day

"Heart of a lion My grandad has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from Edinburgh zoo."

"Imagine if last names were invented now, so instead of ""Smith"" and ""Baker,"" we had ""Frontenddeveloper"" and ""Socialmediaconsultant."""

"Started a new religion Doesn't matter, had sects."

"A toilet seat left up in the ladies room can only mean one thing. Lady cocks."

"If I'm ever on life support, I want to be unplugged. And then plugged back in to see if that helps"

"It seems many women are turned off by Donald Trump... Maybe it's because he rubs them the wrong way..."

"""we're broke? how is that possible?"" (extremely high pitched voice) no idea ""did you-"" *opens closet & hundreds of helium tanks fall out*"

"Why do women find Christian Grey so appealing? Beats me."

"Autistic guy didn't get paid for a whole year while working at Applebee's. Life is hard for stauving autists."

"I used to complain about the bright car lights in my rear view mirror I removed it awhile ago, and haven't looked back since."