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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a procrastinating woodpecker? A wouldpecker"

"Q: What is the difference between an UNDERWEAR & a STAGE CURTAIN? A: When you pull down the STAGE CURTAIN, the show is over, but when you pull down the UNDERWEAR..... it's SHOWTIME!!!"

"Motorist: Why are you crying after giving me that ticket? Policeman: It was a moving violation."

"Q: What do you call a clairvoyant midget who escaped from prison? A: A small medium at large."

"Do you like jokes that make you think a little? If you had an one-legged horse, what would you name it? Flattery."

"If a women regrets her decisions and a man never regrets his. Then what happens to the transsexual?"

"I've messed up, I'm gonna be arrested for crimes against light... I'm gonna be sent to the state prism!"

"Q: What kinds of people don't get invited to blonde parties? A: Women!"

"If a hipster falls in the middle of the woods and nobody is around to hear it, does it make a sound? Yeah, but you've probably never heard it before."

"[stacks of books on floor] Impressive, son. [son places pizza on one stack, soda & cookies on others] ""Yep; perfect height"" [turns on Xbox]"