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Joke of the Day

"I stab myself a little bit every day to slowly build up an immunity to being stabbed to death."

"What is a Canadian's favorite board game? Sorry!"

"I think Inception really hit home with me because it's basically a story about sleeping."

"I had to pay $150 for the bowel prep medication before my colonoscopy. That shit was expensive. (Crosspost from r/funny. This fits better here.)"

"This tweet was going to be really funny but I didn't write it down because I was totally sure I'd remember it."

"""The holocaust didn't happen, Buzz Aldrin did 9/11 & I wear my mom's panties."" - guy who doesn't know how to play 2 Truths & a Lie"

"Who's to say tomorrow won't be the best day of your life? A statistician."

"You can put the word ""blood"" in front of ""oranges"" and people will still eat them. Don't even try it, bananas."

"QUESTION: Why does the town idiot take his bedroom door off the hinges and put it to the sid every night when he goes to sleep? ANSWER: Because he's afraid someone would look through the keyhole."

"Did you hear about the man in the electric chair who asked the executioner to reverse the charges ?"