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Joke of the Day

"Two peanuts walk out of a bar one was assaulted( a salted)......peanut"

"A governor is being inaugurated and there are snipers on buildings and based on my work in video games I'm offended I wasn't asked to help."

"If you cross a telephone and a pair of scissors what do you get? Snippy answers."

"[At dinner] Daughter: Daddy, how much of this meatball is meat? Me: Probably like 90% D: So it's 10% balls? Me: *spits out food*"

"I don't think we should be to worried if Trump gets elected Politicians never keep their word"

"And if I die before I wake I pray a virus my phone to take."

"What's the best part of an ISIS joke? The Execution. Hehe...get it? No? Fine I'll be-heading off now."

"My doctor told me I am anorexic Now I have that to deal with on top of being fat"

"[NSFW] How do you keep a woman screaming hours after having sex Finish on the curtains"

"If you donate something worthless Is it still a donation?"