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Joke of the Day

"What is the difference between a pack of pygmies and a girls track team? The pack of pygmies is a bunch of cunning runts."

"For Halloween my husband asked me to dress up as a nurse, cause that's one of his fantasies: That we have health care."

"did you know if you throw a baby at a random group of people someone will always catch it so far"

"are you human? (sorry) I am dancer"

"[walks into bookstore] Me: do you have any books on turtles? Worker: Hard back? Me: Yeah, with little heads."

"TIL: Every ship is equipped to be a minesweeper at least once"

"What do calenders eat? Nothing. Calenders are inanimate objects that are used to keep track of the date and important events."

"Life without bacon is meaning less... That's why we can kill the jews."

"I fill my pockets with glitter so when people ask me for money, I can turn them out to show that I'm broke, but still a little fancy."

"Did you hear about the sheep who committed suicide before they could sheer him? He died in the wool."