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Joke of the Day

"Art thief. Did you hear about the discerning art thief who burgled the Impressionist exhibit? He was in it for the Monet."

"A man is talking to his mate about his dog... Man: My dog loves Snow Patrol songs! His mate: Really? Man: Yeah, he loves Chasing Cars."

"How do you find Will Smith in the snow? Look for Fresh Prince!"

"If I could, I'd wear plaid every day. But I feel as though doing that would cross several lines."

"""Is there a Mr. Fields?"" I say to my twelfth cookie, all the while knowing she's all mine."

"I am the King of the Universe and I have a son and he occasionally appears on grilled-cheese sandwiches. #yup"

"Why are they using two ply toilet paper in Russia? Because authorities want a carbon copy of all matters."

"F*ck and F*ck are sitting on a fence... F*ck falls off, WHO GIVES A F*CK! Stupidity is a niche! ~Skip"

"I sat next to the Duchess at tea... It was just as I thought it would be: Her rumblings abdominal Were simply phenomenal And everyone thought it was me."

"The first ten years of a girls life is spent playing with barbies. The next ten years is spent trying to look like one."