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Joke of the Day

"People keep telling me to start thinking for myself... I'm not sure what they want me to think about."

"""I'm dreaming about mashed potatoes"" Oh because Thanksgiving is tomorrow ""No, just a normal mashed potato dream like usual"""

"How did the redneck find the sheep in the tall grass Satisfying"

"Practicing my ""Eye Rolling"" cause you know... tomorrow's Monday."

"What is the difference between acne and a priest? Acne waits until the boy is 14 to come on his face"

"I'm going to name my first kid Authorized Personnel so they can go wherever they want in life."

"Always identify who to blame in an emergency."

"RACIST: im a racist! ME: uh oh RACIST: yea I race cars! ME: oh. I dont think u know what racist means RACIST: & I hate Jews! ME: there it is"

"I'm flying to NYC today and I don't care what the flight attendant says, I will be using my seat cushion as a fartation device."

"How's your homophone needlepoint project coming along? Sew sew"