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Joke of the Day

"Boss: you're late Me: traffic Carol: he was in his car taking selfies again Me: goddammit Carol, I will cut you"

"People say, ""You have to work on a marriage."" I say, ""No thank you. I already have a job"

"What do you get when you cross the Queen of England and Prince Charles? Killed in a tunnel."

"So I asked my Dad, ""What was on Grandpa's mind when he had that aneurysm?"" ""Probably a tumor."""

"How do you greet a racist murderer? Good morning officer ."

"What's the president's favorite vegetable? Barack-oli"

"Sometimes when I throw up I like to pretend the toilet is a baby bird and you're not even reading this anymore are you."

"I've been known to give sage advice from time-to-time. Though I do get funny looks for talking to herbs."

"I wonder if back street boys have there own lunch room? a Bac-a-teria.THANK YOU ,THANK YOU VERY MUCH LADIES AND GERMS."

"Why do programmers always get Christmas and Halloween mixed up? Because DEC 25 = OCT 31"