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Joke of the Day

"When someone yells ""STOP!"" I never know if it's Hammertime or if I should collaborate and listen."

"Two goldfish were in their tank... Two goldfish were in their tank. One turned to the other and said, ""You man the guns; I'll drive."""

"Doctor Doctor I'm scared of Father Christmas Doctor: You're suffering from Claus-trophobia."

"Outside, contemplating life, love, and happiness and if I should tell the neighbor that his kid has been stuck in a tree for three hours."

"If y is dependent upon x, that means y is determined by x. So we could call y the determinant. If that's true, then we can call x Arnold... because it's de-terminator. Heh."

"How do you leave a bunch of idiots in suspense? I'll tell you guys tomorrow"

"Q: How does a blonde part their hair? A1: (Action of scissoring legs apart) A2: By doing the splits."

"Why do divers fall out of the boat backwards? Because if they went forward they would still be in the boat."

"They say it's not the destination, it's the journey.........Except when you're heading to the bathroom with diarrhea..."

"What happened to Lady Godiva's horse when he saw she had no clothes on? It made him shy!"