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Joke of the Day

"A man came up to me and said, ""Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry."" I said, ""That is very annoying."" He said, ""Well I can only apologise."""

"My favorite part of going out on the weekend is the 95% of it spent checking my phone."

"What ghost did Ebenezer Scrooge encounter when he refurnished his home? The shadow of his former shelf."

"Hey, yeah I'll be ready in a minute. I'm just going to shower and jerkoff. just kidding, I'm not going to shower"

"A farmer asked me for help with his chickens He said ""I have 87 chickens, can you help me round them up?"" I said ""Sure... 90."""

"How long is a meter in Spain? A Spanard"

"hello, hello ! 911 ? 911 ? Yes, Sir, what happened ? ""I think my wife's dead"". ""What happened, Sir ?"" ""Well...she's lying in bed, cold and stiff as usual, but the dishes haven't been done in 3 days !"""

"I am man. Hear me ask my wife for permission to roar."

"Cells multiply by dividing."

"Why is Captain Hook good at getting away with murder? He leaves no fingerprints"