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Joke of the Day

"Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? The ""p"" is silent."

"Your restraining order says ""no"", but the 1/8"" gap between your living room curtains says ""yes""."

"I saw a lady at work today doing ""breathing exercises"" and realized for the first time how lucky I was that breathing came naturally to me."

"Bikini season is just around the corner. Unfortunately, so is the Mexican restaurant."

"I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandpa. Not yelling and screaming, like the people in his car"

"No bees were harmed in the making of my new short film, ""Bees on Fire: Screams from Inside a Hive""."

"Just been fined 500 for having a joint in my greenhouse. I guess people in glass houses shouldn't get stoned."

"My favourite part about the Harry Potter movies... ...is the casting."

"Have you heard about the new car park crime statistics? It's wrong on so many levels."

"""I am Daenerys Targaryen. The Unburnt. Mother of Dragons. Breaker of chains. Que-"" Job interviewer: Three references is fine."