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Joke of the Day

"After many years of studying at a university, I've finally become a PhD... or Pizza Hut Deliveryman as people call it."

"The second grader was in bed with a cold and high temperature. 'How high is it Doctor?' she wanted to know. 'One hundred and three' said the doctor. 'What is the world record?'"

"There is too much freedom in this country, we need more expensive smart."

"My next door neighbor is a bitch... so I just snuck into her house and taught her parrot to say ""my husband can never find out about us."""

"Why do men carry condoms instead of women? Because by the time women found a condom in their purses, kid would be 3 years old"

"In my will I am leaving everything to the imagination."

"What sort file do you you need to turn a 1.5 inch hole into a 4.5 inch one? A pedo-file."

"Even in the darkest moments there's always a light at the end of the tunnel, but yours will probably be an oncoming freight train."

"not doing the peanut butter and the penis trick with the dog anymore. My son caught me and wants to know why my face is in the dog's crotch"

"Just remember, you can't please everyone. So just focus on what's important, pleasing me."