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Joke of the Day

"After many years of studying at a university, I've finally become a PhD... or Pizza Hut Deliveryman as people call it."

"What do you call it when a bunch of Olympic swimmers have the shits for days? Dia-Rio."

"Today we gain an hour thanks to Day Light Savings Time. What are going to do with it? ....gotcha bitch!"

"Wearing transition lenses is a great way to block out the sun & anyone from wanting to be friends with you."

"Sorry I got us kicked out of your niece's dance recital for blowing my airhorn too much"

"Why can't Matthew McConaughey make a left turn? Because he's *alright alright alright*."

"It's funny when my wife gives me the silent treatment'. Because she thinks it's a punishmen"

"Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole-in-one."

"My dog used to chase people on a bike It got so bad, I had to take his bike away"

"I used to worry about offending people's moms on facebook but now they all post memes like ""I chug vodka to keep from drowning my children"""