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Joke of the Day

"I do less before 9AM than most people don't do all day."

"What do you call the spaces between the bits on a comb? Hair-vents."

"I'm really not a fan of Mayweather but.. It's actually perfect outside so I cant complain."

"Why do Avon Ladies walk funny? Their lipstick."

"Twitter is basically just you having a conversation with yourself hoping that someone else will join in."

"4% battery left on my iPhone. The music that plays when Sonic the Hedgehog is drowning is playing in my head."

"Every call with my mother starts in one of two ways: 1. WHY HAVEN'T YOU CALLED? IS EVERYTHING OK? 2. WHY ARE YOU CALLING? IS EVERYTHING OK?"

"Apparently, Isaac Asimov wrote a book about jokes and puns called Treasury of Humor I laughed my Asimov when I was reading it"

"Girls want a Guy that's a gentleman and a Bad Ass! Girls want a guy that's a gentleman and a bad ass. On first dates, I wear a tuxedo and an eye patch!"

"In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Chuck Norris."