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Joke of the Day

"Looking for Texas? Drive east or west on Interstate 70 until you smell shit. Then go south till you run into it"

"Siri is the only girl that answers my questions without having to ask why.."

"What are the symptoms of amnesia? I can't remember"

"If you play Rebecca Black's ""Friday"" backwards, Satan appears and asks why you have so much fucking time on your hands."

"Where does almond and cashew milk come from? Crazy cows. They have to be nuts."

"What do you call a pirate's girlfriend? Pirate bae"

"And on the third day, Jesus came back. Because he accidentally left one of his edge trimmers in my backyard."

"There's this great joke I read on 9gag..."

"Is there some organization that evaluates the quality of shea butter? Because if so, it could have Fifty Grades of Shea."

"Claustrophobia is the fear of closed spaces... For example, I'm going to the liquor store and I'm scared that it may be closed..."