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Joke of the Day
"What is a mother's favorite Christmas Carol? Silent Night."
Next Joke
"Ted Nugent predicted Ted Nugent would be dead or in jail by now... which is just one more thing Ted Nugent is wrong about. (Jokes for the week of 4/13-4/19 @fridayupdate on twitter.)"
"One venti cheeseburger please."
"What do women and tornadoes have in common? They both moan like hell when they come and take the house when they leave."
"*panics during bank robbery* ""Uhhhh hi yeah I'd like to put this gun in my safety deposit box"""
"I asked a Jewish girl her number She said she didn't have one, but could give me her grandfather's."
"Every day, there's a kid coming to my store looking for trouble... And every day, I tell him we're sold out. Can't he buy Monopoly instead?"
"Q: What walks on four legs in the morning, two at noon & three at night? A: The bloodthirsty shapeshifter who hides among us. Trust no one."
"There's one thing I can't stand when I'm drunk Up"
"If you really want to fuck a vampire.. then i'd say you're down for the count"