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Joke of the Day

"I was cooking a dish with onions in it and my friend cried. I only now realized recently that she wasn't raising that dog for food."

"Don't ever debate with an absurdist... because you will always chair apple man with hands for eyes."

"During labour, nurse came up to me & said, 'How about Epidural Anesthesia?' I was like, 'Thanks, but I already picked a name."

"Hey baby, are you a parking ticket? because i'm not going to pay you"

"A real ""nonstop flight"" would be terrifying."

"Carp we hit an iceberg! What am I herring? This scampi true! Whale I squid you not Oh cod I can't die Waterboat me? You're so shellfish Fin"

"Why is it weird that the Jews killed Jesus? They love prophets"

"What did one Jewish bird say to the other? ""Cheep"""

"Ever notice when you need to delete a phone app and you get the icons jiggling? They seem all panicky about who's getting cut from the team"

"I would tell you a devilish joke about getting wet but I wouldn't want to damn-pun your mood."