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Joke of the Day

"Ever notice when you need to delete a phone app and you get the icons jiggling? They seem all panicky about who's getting cut from the team"

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"[NSFW][REALLY NSFW] I hate pedophiles... They're fucking immature assholes"
"Better than a Justin Bieber concert: 1. Being deaf. 2. A rattlesnake bite. 3. Chewing razor blades. 4. Licking a public toilet seat."
"People keep escaping from maximum security jails and I can't even manage to leave 5 minutes early from work."
"What is the most commonly used phrase at a gay bar? Can I push your stool in?"
"They'll hate you if you're pretty. They'll hate you if you're not. They'll hate you for what you lack and they'll hate you for what you got"
"what is is called when you download undertale for free Papyrus-cy"
"What do you call an intelligent man in America? A tourist."
"Q: How is Saddam like Fred Flintstone ? A: Both may look out their windows and see Rubble."
"Wanna know why reddit sucks?"