23909

Joke of the Day

"It's hard to explain a pun to a kleptomaniac because they always take things literally."

"Sure, I'll spend $5 on a cup of coffee, but I draw the line at paying 44c to have someone travel 3000 miles to hand deliver a letter for me."

"Where would men be without women? The Garden of Eden"

"If a pilot can't get it up during takeoff Is it called projectile dysfunction?"

"""Are you coming over?"" ""Yes, I'm coming over."" ""We should probably stop talking using the radios, over."""

"[Joseph checking in to hotel] ""Is there WiFi?"" Only in the stable *later to Virgin Mary* ""Honey, hotel was booked. Gotta stay in the stable"""

"Ben Carson is the best sleep walker ever Sometimes he wakes up and finds out he's standing on Republican presidential debate stage."

"What was John Locke's favorite beer? Natty Rights"

"Last week I tried to give up swearing... ...but said ""fuck it"" instead."

"Capture a raccoon & an octopus. Sit them on the couch. Give them snacks. Sit between them. Turn on the TV. Now you're ready to have kids."