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Joke of the Day

"Got fast food so many times this week that when mcd's asked me to pull out front to wait for my order, I was expecting an intervention."

"If I had a time machine, I'd just keep going back every 8-9 hours so I could sleep more."

"Burning love What kind of erection does a burn victim get? Firewood."

"My wife's resting in the garden. Well, at rest."

"Everyone is freaking out because I brought my own gavel to court, no one knows if I'm allowed to do this, the judge is crying"

"I don't know why people say building a wall doesn't work The chinese did it 2000 years ago and they still don't have any mexicans."

"Wife: Why the hell did you buy a buffalo? Me: I'd rather have a buffalo and not need it than need a buffalo and not have it."

"My wife is divorcing me, apparently she is sick of all my flower puns... I asked her ""Where's this stemming from petal?"""

"What kind of milk do the wealthiest people in the world give to their children? 1%"

"friend: let's meet up soon me: *in the crow's nest of a ship docking outside your house* when though"