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Joke of the Day

"Got fast food so many times this week that when mcd's asked me to pull out front to wait for my order, I was expecting an intervention."

"What is 12 inches long, rock hard and full of semen? The sock under my bed."

"Having a beard makes it easier to hatch a scheme, but it's getting harder and harder to play on a public swing set by myself."

"What was John Locke's favorite beer? Natty Rights"

"Me: I could tell you, but I'd have to- Him: Kill me? hahaha Me: No, talk to you. And I don't wanna do that."

"""Sorry I haven't been tweeting much lately."" guy who actually thinks people notice when he's not tweeting"

"A game I bought my Pokemon-Go playing friend caused her to have a brief panic attack. In hindsight, the latest Counter-Strike probably wasn't a good idea..."

"A boy goes to his parents to tell them something ""Mom, Dad. I'm gay."" His father then turns to him and says ""Hi Gay, I'm 100 Dollars Richer!"", while recieving money from the mom."

"I was homeschooled so my back to school pics were of me standing in front of the house before I went back inside."

"I'm bored, think I'll go to the mall, find a great parking spot, sit in my car with my reverse lights on"