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Joke of the Day

"When I punish my 16 I don't take away her phone I take away her charger and then I watch the fear in her eyes as her battery dies. It's fun"

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"Why did the dead baby cross the road? Because it was stapled to the chicken"
"I will NEVER make the same mistake twice ... In a row. They're in rotation."
"My girlfriend is like my car... Stolen property"
"How do we know Jesus turned water into wine at parties? Because if he turned the **wine** into **water** someone would have kicked the shit out of him."
"How do people in Nor Cal get around? Hella copters"
"Every time I wear a suit I hear the same five words. ""Will the defendants please rise"""
"I mean, if Marie Antoinette didn't want her head cut off, maybe there should've been actual cake. ~ Why I was kicked off the debate team"
"A minister was asked by a politician ""Name something the government can do to help the church."" The minister replied ""Quit making one dollar bills."""
"What do you call a woman with an opinion?? Wrong"