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Joke of the Day

"When I punish my 16 I don't take away her phone I take away her charger and then I watch the fear in her eyes as her battery dies. It's fun"

"Why did the dead baby cross the road? Because it was stapled to the chicken"

"I will NEVER make the same mistake twice ... In a row. They're in rotation."

"My girlfriend is like my car... Stolen property"

"How do we know Jesus turned water into wine at parties? Because if he turned the **wine** into **water** someone would have kicked the shit out of him."

"How do people in Nor Cal get around? Hella copters"

"Every time I wear a suit I hear the same five words. ""Will the defendants please rise"""

"I mean, if Marie Antoinette didn't want her head cut off, maybe there should've been actual cake. ~ Why I was kicked off the debate team"

"A minister was asked by a politician ""Name something the government can do to help the church."" The minister replied ""Quit making one dollar bills."""

"What do you call a woman with an opinion?? Wrong"