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Joke of the Day

"I repeatedly slapped my girlfriend as hard as I could at the concert last night. I was clapping for the band."

"What's brown & rhymes with Snoop? Dr. Dre."

"Did you hear the one about the donkey and the sloth? Ultamate frisbee badger!"

"A smile every mile will get you further faster but if that doesn't work, carjacking does."

"Is it just me? Or does amy schumer look like sarah silvermann sounds?"

"If i had a dollar for every time i had an existential crisis... it wouldn't matter because currency is a social construct and life is meaningless"

"Think I might run a marathon just to prove to myself that I can do something pointless and awful."

"The soul weighs 21 grams. We know this because the Jurassic World film reels are 21 grams lighter than Jurassic Park"

"A Jewish kid asks his Dad: 'Dad, can I have 50 pence please?' The father replies: '40 pence?! what do you want 30 pence for?'"

"I didn't have fun at the Boston Marathon this year ... back in 2013 it was a blast."