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Joke of the Day

"If I had to choose between a stepstool and a device that let's me get even higher... ...I'd take the ladder. (I'll just leave now)"

"I told my mom I was going to go work the polls. She replied, ""don't forget to wipe it down before you start your set."""

"After grandpa's unfortunate steamroller incident last year, man crush Monday is always a difficult time for me and my family."

"What did the philanderer say to the gardener praying in the shed? How do you stay faithful in a room full of hoes?"

"Web MD should go ahead and sell caskets."

"What do you call an airline run by nazis? Aryan Air"

"I haven't had anything to eat all year. It's 12:01 January 1st where I am"

"I've been putting my sunglasses on and walking away from things in slow motion all day, nothing has exploded yet."

"The nicotine patch is great. I get my addiction out of the hands of the evil tobacco industry and into the loving arms of big pharma."

"How does a monster begin a fairy tale? ""Once upon a slime . . ."""