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Joke of the Day

"I am motherfucking sick of the motherfucking delays on this motherfucking train!"

"A woman in my hometown says that 50 Cent is 100% her son's father. Although, it's closer to 50 percent per Cent."

"Captain America's shield was made of Adamantium. What was Hawkeye's shield made of? Quicksilver."

"What do you get when you cross a pig and a spider? Bacon and scrambled leggs."

"Why is dog man's best friend? They keep the mailman away from his wife"

"I like my women like I like my downloads... ...unzipped and on my desktop."

"How often do I drink Blue Moon? Once in awhile."

"I put my phone in airplane mode. Worst. Transformer. Ever."

"Yes, money cannot buy you happiness, but.. Yes, money cannot buy you happiness, but I'd still feel a lot more comfortable crying in a new BMW than on a bike."

"The past, the present, and the future all walked into one bar. It was quite tense."