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Joke of the Day

"They say your memory is the first thing to go But I can't remember losing that"

"Why did the toad become a lighthouse keeper ? He had his own frog horn !"

"What did one ocean say to the other? Nothing, it just waved. Sea what I did there? I'm shore you did. Laugh, you son of a beach!"

"This joke is like a never ending stairway. This joke is like a never ending stairway, it leads up to nothing"

"Where do you put the Duke? In the duke box!"

"Dear Week, I'm so over you. I'm leaving you for your best friend, Weekend. Don't try to find us for at least 2 days."

"50 shades - only romantic because the guy is a billionaire. If he lived in a trailer, it would be another episode of criminal minds"

"When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did - in his sleep. Not yelling and screaming like the passengers in his car."

"I've never pretended to be something I'm not... Except sober. I've pretended to be sober before."

"Imagine if your fridge did what you do to it everyday- Every half hour it goes to your room opens the door, and stares at you for 5 minutes then leaves."