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Joke of the Day

"*stealthily lowers myself from the ceiling into co-worker's office *sprays breath freshener into his mouth before the meeting *retracts"

Next Joke
 
"Today my girlfriend yelled today saying: ""You weren't even listening just now, were you?"" What a weird way to start a conversation."
"Siri, what kind of candy is in that van?"
"What do pirates use telephones for? Booty call"
"What has 4 legs in the morning, two at lunch, and three in the evening? A cannibal"
"""Daddy will u tuck me in?:)"" ""Ok"" *tucks him in* ""Daddy sing me a song:)"" ""Ok"" *clears throat* LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOR LET THE BODIES H"
"Funny that when a girl sleeps with a lot of guys she's considered a slut ... but when I do it I'm gay."
"How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman? Zero."
"Opening a new Pho restaurant that never closes Going to call it Twenty Pho Seven."
"Caitlin Jenner's name should be Trans Trans Jenner"