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Joke of the Day

"Birds do it, bees do it, even educated fleas do it. Let's do it. Let's live in a homeless man's beard."

"Falling asleep at work didn't get me in trouble. Falling asleep at work and snoring got me in trouble."

"How to fall down the stairs Step 1 Step 2 Step 5 Step 9 Step 12 Floor."

"I have the Heart of a Lion.... And a lifetime ban from the San Diego Zoo..."

"if 9-5 is a full time job, and 11/4 is a part time job, what's 9-11? An inside job."

"OUESTION: What is cosmetics? ANSWER: Cosmetics is a woman's means for keeping a man from reading between the lines."

"I had a bad dream about pizza sauce. It was a real nightmarinara."

"I bought a fancy new clock radio today. It cost me alarm and a leg."

"Drinks at the bar should be served in capri sun-like pouches, and if you can't get the straw in, you are cut off."

"I have a plan. I bring him home ,but don't sleep with him. Long story short he pays for the taxi."