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Joke of the Day

"I take the time every night to read Facebook statuses to my children as part of my stay in school campaign."

"ME: Sorry boss, I can't make it in today. Because of Ebola. BOSS: You have Ebola? ME: No but someone does and I am FREAKING THE HELL OUT"

"Did you hear the rumor about the new save system for the ff7 remake? Cloud Saves"

"I offer kid $1 to do a chore. He sticks dollar in pocket. I get dollar back on laundry day. Lather. Rinse. Repeat!"

"""I've found that I'd scream the exact same way If a piece of seaweed touches my leg or if a shark were trying to bite me."" - Kevin James"

"I changed my password to ""incorrect"". So whenever I forget what it is the computer will say ""Your password is incorrect""."

"Which plant talks the most crap? Shiitake mushrooms."

"Why is it I cant get a mobile reception in my house in town, yet a terrorist can upload his vids from a cave in Afganistan? Is there a terrorist mobile tariff I can go on??"

"Rules for wearing animal print yoga pants: 1. Weigh less than the animals they represent 2. 3."

"What's the difference between a crab with boobs and a bus filled with old people? One is a busty crustacean and the other is a crusty bus station."