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Joke of the Day

"ME: my therapist told me to stop talking about people as if they weren't here THERAPIST: [rubbing temples] i know"

"Spell roast five times, r-o-a-s-t, r-o-a-s-t, r-o-a-s-t, r-o-a-s-t, r-o-a-s-t. What do you put in a toaster? I usually put bread in a toaster."

"What do you call a loud Trump supporter? A Trumpet."

"How many Einsteins does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Relatively few"

"All these people on FB posting pics of their kids makes feel so blessed...I don't have ugly children."

"Yo mama so fat she lay on the beach and people run around yelling Free Willy"

"I'm lucky have a friend like you. I'm just glad he isn't TOO much like you."

"If you reply with ""sky"" each time I ask what's up, I shall assume you're homeless."

"A man says, "" It's raining cats and dogs!"" The Chinese man comes out of his house with his chopsticks immediately..."

"I told the insect I knew he used to be part of an elite military unit he was exuberant"