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Joke of the Day

"I was arrested for assault with a chicken. The cops suspected foul play."

"Look! Up in the sky! It's a bird! It's a huge bird unlike any we've ever seen before! What kind of bird is that? Just look at that bird!"

"Patient To Doctor Patient: Doctor, I have a pain in my eye whenever I drink tea. Doctor: Take the spoon out of the mug before you drink."

"said to my wife... I can make a car out of noodles. NO YOU CAN'T she said. ...should've seen her face when I drove pasta."

"Who called them fake potatoes and not imitaters."

"I have an EpiPen. My friend gave it to me when he was dying, it seemed very important to him that I have it."

"Down with the metric system no more foreign rulers!"

"Why didn't the toilet paper cross the road..? **Because he got stuck in the crack.**"

"Santa's sack is on the sleigh... Q.-Why is Santa Claus's sack so big and heavy ? A.-Because he only comes once a year, and when he does, it is down a chimney!"

"What is a stuttering ballerinas favourite day of the week Tu-Tu Tuesday"