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Joke of the Day

"I lost my girlfriend recently. Then the topic moved away from science and she was fine again."

"Fear is not the only emotion Chuck Norris can smell. He can also detect hope, as in ""I hope I don't get a roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris."""

"Why do parents feel the need to hold your phone when you show them a picture?"

"How is American beer like having sex in a canoe? It's fucking close to water."

"We all have someone's phone number in our phone and they have no idea we have it!"

"What's the difference between a dept. store Santa and a male prostitute? I've never been employed as a dept. store Santa."

"Roses are red violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic and so am I."

"I don't know how to tell people this... But I want to be a translator."

"So I heard Microsoft pulled the plug after their chat robot slung slurs, ripped Obama and denied the Holocaust... I guess there wasn't enough room for two Trumps in the Republican party."

"Cemetery A priest goes for a walk in the cemetery before breakfast and sees a man crouching by a tombstone. The priest says to the man ""Morning!"" He replies ""No actually, I'm taking a shit!"""