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Joke of the Day

"When answering a Craigslist ad, clarify the meaning of ""XXX fun"" up front or else you could end up playing Nintendo with a large woman."

"Why was the Jewish man so defensive about his beer? Because Hebrewed it."

"Who's the King's best mathematician? Sir Cumference"

"This drink tastes like the neighbors will be hearing late night small arms fire. I swear I just saw a coyote or a squirrel or a tree or a..."

"Why was Hellen Keller a bad driver? She is a woman."

"Budweiser should spend less on advertising and more on making their beer not taste like skunk butthole."

"[dinner negotiations] Wife: where do you want to go to eat? Me: ugh Wife: Me: you pick Wife: I'm craving kale Me: I'll pick"

"I just rinsed with mouthwash to cover up the m&ms on my breath. Being an adult is stupid."

"I just went to an emotional wedding. even the cake was in tiers."

"Dropping the shampoo bottle in the shower is the most violent sound ever. ""U OK in there? Sounds like a Michael Bay film in that bathroom!"""