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Joke of the Day

"i bet today is the most confusing day in harlem!"

"My wife said i was being immature, so i told her to get the fuck out of my fort."

"Win every disagreement by saying "" I know. I'm from the future."" Because they can argue with you, but not science."

"My life was depressing and miserable but I turned that around, Now it's miserable and depressing."

"Jaws (2015): ""(cell phone) Hi Coast Guard, yeah a shark is banging my boat oh you're on your way great thanks"""

"Ready for battle, I taunted Monday and spit in its face, but when I woke up from my drunken haze, I realized I'd been yelling at Sunday."

"Instead of ""the John"" I decided to start calling my bathroom ""the Jim"" I needed to workout more. Now first thing in the morning I always go to the Jim!"

"Why does Santa Claus have such a large sack? He only comes once a year."

"I'm not getting married till Pizza Hut allows gift registry."

"WHAT DO WE WANT? License and registration, please. WHEN DO WE WANT IT? Sir, please stop shouting and step out of the vehicle."