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Joke of the Day

"Two cannibals are sitting around eating dinner. One begins to complain to the other, ""You know, I really don't like my mother in law."" ""Then just eat the noodles."""

"If you laid out all of the people in the world who were ever mean to me, I could then drive my car over them."

"A Higgs boson walks into a bar... ...the barman doesn't understand."

"How to use eyeliner: 1. Draw a thin line on your top & bottom eyelids 2. Oops too thick, try to even them out 3. Colour your whole face in"

"2 Beers = 1 Tweet 5 Beers = 3 Tweets 9 Beers = 7 Tweets 12 Beers = 12 Tweets 24 Teers = 30 Beets"

"What do you call a guy who peeps his peeps? A homeboyeur."

"What did the dog say to the fireman? The roof is on fire."

"How many Californians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Don't be silly, Californians screw in hot tubs!"

"They say ""pick your battles"", so today Oreos win."

"tinder, huh? back in my day if you wanted a girl to notice you, you had to dress like a gargoyle and cling to the roof of her parents' home"