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Joke of the Day

"tinder, huh? back in my day if you wanted a girl to notice you, you had to dress like a gargoyle and cling to the roof of her parents' home"

"One did one redditor say to the other? Heard it."

"I was born in California."" ""Which part?"" ""All of me."""

"[Drive-thru] CRONUS: Yes- I'll have the bucket of popcorn children Intercom: *crackling* Popcorn chicken, sir? CRONUS: omg what did I say"

"I burnt my Hawaiian pizza last night. I knew should've put the oven on aloha setting."

"What did the geologist say at the Chinese restaurant? May I have Eurasian plate?"

"My GF spent $49 on a haircut. Had she gone to Petsmart she'd have gotten an ear cleaning, anal gland extraction and a free bandana as well."

"Q5: How do you ask a dinosaur to lunch? A: Tea Rex?"

"I was gonna open a clothing store for midgets... ... but the market was too small."

"I always write ""boing"" in the memo section of my checks, so all parties involved know how this is gonna go."