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Joke of the Day

"What's the definition of a male chauvinist pig? A man who hates every bone in a woman's body, except his own."

"sometimes i see a bird & i hate it for no reason. i'm not proud of it but its true. they have tiny heads & even smaller hearts. they hate us"

"A woman walks into a brothel, slaps down a few hundred dollars, and exclaims, ""I want twelve inches, and I want them to hurt!"" So the doorman smacks her face with a ruler."

"""Gosh it's raining cats and dogs"" said Fred looking out of the kitchen window. ""I know"" said his mother. ""I've just stepped in a poodle!"""

"Shopping with friend ""Look, triangle-shaped tupperware for your leftover pizza!"" Me: ""What's leftover pizza?"

"What's the difference between a lobster and an oriental woman run over by a steamroller? One's a crustacean and the other a crushed Asian."

"Ate too much salad today so I'm going on an Oreos cleanse tomorrow."

"Anyone who says cheetahs are the fastest land mammals hasn't seen me move a cat off an expensive area rug before he pukes."

"How do you think the unthinkable? With an Ithberg"

"Don't you hate double standards? If a girl sleeps with a lot of guys she is called a slut, but when a guy does it he is called a homosexual."