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Joke of the Day

"If familiarity breeds contempt and absence makes the heart grow fonder, then by definition marriage is a terrible idea."

"A cup of coffee just walked up to my girlfriend and called her a 'whore'. I didn't even react. I think my caffeine tolerance is too high"

"""Never go to bed angry"" is the worst advice ever. I haven't slept in eleven years."

"What did the deaf guy say to the blind guy? I can't hear you, but I can see your point"

"How can you know that you are insecure about what other people think of your post? [deleted]"

"Did you know the first baseball game was held in the Garden of Eden? Eve stole first, Adam stole second, and Abel struck out."

"I ran over a kid in a John Cena shirt but in my defense, i couldn't see him"

"I hear the Black Knight isn't as bad as he seems... He's medieval"

"If at first you don't succeed, GREAT. Now you know not to waste your time on that ever again. Fuck that shit. Lesson learned."

"Where'd the dog who lost his tail go to get a new one? A retail store."