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Joke of the Day

"I've started an elimination diet, It's where I eliminate anyone from my life who talks about their diet."

"I made this joke. I said as I held me son for the first time."

"Board Game 10: *reading card* Mama! Name 3 rappers! GO! Me: Saran, aluminum foil, & cellophane! *beaming* 10: *laughing* OMG! Me: What?"

"What's the hardest thing about being a vegan crossfitter who went to Harvard? Figuring out what to tell you about first."

"A baby seal walks into a bar No, wait. A baby seal walks into a club."

"Why did the WTC get hit by Terrorist? They didn't get hit by Terrorists."

"People always ask why I only date black girls It's because I don't like meeting the father"

"COP: Can you describe your attacker? ME: No COP: Didn't you see him? ME: Yes, but I have a poor grasp of adjectives"

"Can I play Piano? A: Doctor, will I be able to play the piano after the operation? B: Yes, of course. A: Great! I never could before!"

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Carrie ! Carrie who ? Carrie a torch !"