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Joke of the Day

"At the Airport Customs: Where is your passport Me: *hands credit card* Customs: You can't bribe me Me: It's my visa"

"soup really pisses me off so i boiled all these soup ingredients in water to destroy them ah crap"

"How does Soylent Green taste? It varies from person to person."

"What's the difference between Donald Trump and an oompa loompa? If you are wise, you won't listen to him."

"I went to see a Spanish magician and he told the crowd that he could make himself disappear on the count of three. He started counting. ""Uno! Dos!"" And then he was gone. Without a tres."

"Have you heard the latest Unitarian Universalist miracle? Someone saw the face of Ralph Waldo Emerson on a tortilla."

"They don't treat the black people right. In our neighborhoods, they don't have banks -- they have check cashing."

"Why did ISIS burn 10000 copies of ""Dark Side Of The Moon""? Because it's a terrible album."

"Why couldn't the melons run away and get married? Because they cantaloupe!"

"I tried baby proofing my home.. But they keep getting in"