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Joke of the Day

"How do know if the person that you have just met is a DJ? They will tell you."

"Why crush your kid's imagination by telling them the Tooth Fairy ""doesn't exist"" when you can just have her leave a suicide note?"

"I wish I was from Finland so when people asked if I was Finnish I could say ""no, in fact, I'm just getting started"""

"What's the difference between a lawyer and an onion? You cry when you cut up an onion."

"How's banging a fat chick like riding a scooter? They're both a lot of fun until your friends catch you."

"It's nice to feel wanted. Even if it's by the FBI."

"How many people with ADHD does it take to change a - oh look, tree!"

"Why did the pioneers cross the country in covered wagons ? Because they didn't want to wait 40 years for a train !"

"wife: ""just break it to him gently"" me: ""ok ill try"" [tucking son in bed] me: [opening story book] ""once upon a time your grandma's dead"""

"Sun Tzu's The Art of War is very applicable in the business world. Just today I made my boss sit facing the window so he had sun in his eyes"