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Joke of the Day

"Why crush your kid's imagination by telling them the Tooth Fairy ""doesn't exist"" when you can just have her leave a suicide note?"

"My signature sandwich is called ""Hamnesia"". I forget what's in it."

"Never Drink Alone Thats why I Skype with people when I'm drinking."

"The chicken's egg never hatched... It was a bad yoke."

"Don't you hate when you're at the mall and there's a kid that just won't shut up. You're like, ""SHHH!"" And he's all, ""STRANGER! DANGER!"

"What's really good in having sex with 26 years old girls? there are 20 of them!"

"Never ask someone to promise they'll never hurt you, because at one time or another they will. Ask them to promise that the time you spent together will be worth the pain in the end."

"What do tight jeans and a cheap hotel have in common? No ballroom"

"Did you hear that Bruce Willis is going to star in a movie where he goes undercover as an elderly nun? It's called Old Habits Die Hard"

"How do you get a nun pregnant? Dress her up like an altar boy"