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Joke of the Day
"My psychic friend told me that she could tell me what my favourite band is... I said No Doubt"
Next Joke
"HER: [whispering seductively] tell me your wildest fantasy ME: [also whispering] owning a home"
"Me: We need some ham. Her: I just bought a pound of ham yesterday. Me: Are you going to judge me, or are you going to buy some ham?"
"What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? The pizza doesn't scream when put in the oven."
"I can't believe I have to recharge my stupid phone every night or it shuts down *sleeps for 8 hours every night*"
"Why doesn't Santa Claus have any children? Because he only comes once a year, and when he does it's down the chimney."
"When did the 100 years war get serious? When the English got Crecy"
"What did the blonde Buddhist say when she finished her 88th prayer? ""I literally chant even..."""
"What's three feet long and keeps a twat warm? Donald Trump's scarf."
"How do we know Paul Walker had dandruff? We found his Heads & Shoulders in the glove box."