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Joke of the Day

"The wise sage asked him, ""If you take money out of the equation, what activity in life would thrill you the most. What's your passion?"" ""Fantasy football"""

"My doctor told me I have the vitals of someone half my age. I have no idea how he found out, but now I'll have to kill him too."

"The Dalai Lama and Gandhi aren't the same? I thought they were basically Miley Cyrus/Hannah Montana. I feel like people are messing with me."

"Why can't you hear a pterodactyl taking a whiz? Because the P is silent!"

"How do whales type e-mails? With their fish fingers."

"Why couldn't the NSA whistleblower leave Russia? He was snowed in."

"sure the Victoria's Secret models are pretty, but I bet not one of them ever finds a Cheeto in her bra"

"How does a Jew calculate his escape path? Wind velocity times chimney height."

"Exaggerations went up by a million percent last year."

"What do you call a group of squid? A squad"