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Joke of the Day

"How do whales type e-mails? With their fish fingers."

"I made a Pokemon team based around paralyzing my opponents. I'm a firm believer that there is strength in numbers."

"I went to my highschool reunion and came across a woman I'd never seen before. Luckily she didn't notice."

"I have often wanted to drown my sorrows. But, I can't get my wife to go swimming."

"This holiday season, get your girl a Jared Diamond ...but get her Collapse--she's probably already read Guns, Germs, and Steel."

"DOG 911: what's your emergency? DOG: *whispering* they put me in a stroller DOG 911: *covers phone* WE'VE GOT A CODE SLIGHTLY DARKER GREY"

"Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard... Old Mother Hubbard, went to the cupboard to get the dog a bone. But when she bent over, Rover took over and gave her a bone of his own."

"My cat is my date and we got asked to leave the Olive Garden. Probably because she's black."

"What do you call a capitalist Bernie Sanders? Earning Sanders."

"A photon is going through airport security... The TSA agent asks if he has any luggage. The photon says, ""No, I'm traveling light."""